I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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