I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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