Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
