Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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