think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
