Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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