guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
