Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
