fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
