Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
All the doctor said was why
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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