i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize