At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
