I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
