when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Blow job season was short but glorious.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
