remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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