You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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