Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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