I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
