Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
