Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
