Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
