I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
