I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
