Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
