real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
