It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He passed out mid-signature
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
