Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
