PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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