be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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