i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
