Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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