I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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