: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I am one with the molecules
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
