Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
