he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
