I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
