i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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