I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
