Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
