Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
