i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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