so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
