Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
