im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We left an ass print on the piano.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
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