Im at strip club and am horny
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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