DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
