And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
