$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
