i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
