I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
