Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I am spending my child support on dildos
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
