She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
